Letting Go to Grow: How Releasing Unreachable Goals Opens the Door to New Success

Achieving a goal brings a deep sense of accomplishment. It helps us grow, feel confident, and move forward in life. While this is especially true for athletes who must often dedicate all their efforts to reaching their athletic objectives, it applies to all of us—whether we’re working on personal, professional, or family-related goals.

But life doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, a goal becomes unreachable. Maybe it's a career path that’s no longer an option, a relationship that’s run its course, or a dream that no longer aligns with our current reality. When that happens, it’s natural to feel disappointed or even lost. Yet knowing how to respond in a healthy way is a powerful skill.

Instead of holding on tightly to something that no longer works, research shows it’s often healthier to let go of the goal itself and redirect our energy elsewhere. This doesn’t mean giving up. It means being wise enough to recognize when the path you’re on is no longer serving you—and brave enough to choose a new one. When goal achievement is blocked, we may need to use adaptive strategies to navigate challenges effectively. These include strategies like positively reevaluating goals, disengaging from unattainable goals, and re-engaging with new ones, which can help maintain high levels of well-being and motivation in the face of adversity.

We all have multiple goals to pursue—whether in the workplace, at home (love, children, home life, etc.), or personal ambitions (sports, education, travel, etc.). These goals help motivate us in our day-to-day lives. But when faced with insurmountable obstacles, it can be hard to accept that it may be more effective to let go of an unreachable goal than to continue pouring effort into something no longer achievable (for example: continuing to invest time and energy into saving a relationship that is no longer emotionally sustainable).

Letting go frees up emotional space and personal energy. Empirical studies have shown that being able to disengage—both in effort and in emotional investment—improves well-being, as it reduces the distress caused by failing to reach the goal (Wrosch et al., 2003a). It allows us to reengage with goals that are meaningful and attainable. Whether it’s setting your sights on a different career, shifting how you view success, or pouring energy into a new passion, the act of reengaging with a fresh and valuable purpose is key to long-term well-being.

Re-engagement is particularly successful when the new goals carry the same personal value as the previous one. Individuals who re-engage after failing to achieve a goal experience fewer negative effects from the lack of direction—such as feelings of demotivation, emptiness, and loneliness (Wrosch et al., 2003a). Re-engagement strategies aim to reduce distress by redirecting a person’s energy, thoughts, and commitment toward new, meaningful goals. Re-engagement also creates the chance to reap the benefits of accomplishment in other areas (Wrosch et al., 2003a).

Think of it like surfing. Goals come and go like waves—some carry you far, and others crash unexpectedly. Learning to ride the wave, rather than fight it, helps you stay resilient. Letting go of a goal doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you're making room for something better.

So if you find yourself stuck, ask: Is this goal still meaningful and realistic for me? If not, it might be time to gently release it—and ride a new wave toward something that truly matters. Disengagement is a skill that can be learned through practice. So dive in with both feet! Learn to surf the wave and even enjoy it. There will always be new challenges to face and goals to pursue.

References :

- Messersmith, E.E. &  Schulenberg, J. E. (2010). Goal attainment, goal striving, and well-being during the transition to adulthood: A ten-year U.S. national longitudinal study. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 130, 1534-8687 doi: 10.1002/cd.279

- Wrosch, C., Scheier, M. F., Carver, C. S., & Schulz, R. (2003a). The importance of goal disengagement in adaptive self-regulation: When giving up is beneficial. Self And Identity, 2, 1- 20. doi:10.1080/15298860309021

- Wrosch, C., Scheier, M. F., Miller, G. E., Schulz, R., & Carver, C. S. (2003b). Adaptive Self-Regulation of Unattainable Goals: Goal Disengagement, Goal Reengagement, and Subjective Well-Being. Personality And Social Psychology Bulletin, 29, 1494-1508. doi:10.1177/0146167203256921