Untangling Self-Doubt
How to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Reclaim Your Wellbeing
Have you ever made a decision—big or small—only to immediately second-guess yourself? Maybe you asked, “Was that the right thing?” or thought, “I probably messed that up.” That voice of self-doubt, often tangled up with harsh self-criticism, can chip away at our confidence, increase anxiety, and lower our overall sense of wellbeing.
Self-doubt and self-criticism are incredibly common, especially when we care deeply about doing the “right” thing or fear being misunderstood. But when left unchecked, these patterns can become internal habits that keep us stuck—feeling sad, unsure, and hurt.
How Self-Doubt Affects Us
When we constantly question our worth or replay our mistakes, we create an emotional environment of pressure and fear. Over time, this can:
Increase anxiety and stress
Lower our self-esteem
Drain joy from the present moment
Make us feel emotionally raw or disconnected
But the good news is: we can change this relationship with ourselves. It’s not about eliminating self-doubt entirely, but learning to respond to it differently—with awareness, kindness, and intention.
6 Ways to Soften Self-Doubt and Build Self-Trust
1. Notice when you’re doing it
The first step is awareness. Start tuning in to your inner voice—especially when it turns critical. Are you replaying a conversation in your head? Doubting a decision you made? Simply naming it—“I’m being self-critical right now”—can create space between you and the inner critic.
2. Validate what you’re feeling
Self-doubt often masks fear or vulnerability. Rather than pushing those emotions away, try acknowledging them: “I’m feeling unsure because this matters to me.” Emotions don’t need fixing—they want to be seen and understood.
3. Practice self-compassion
Treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend in the same situation. That might sound like:
"It’s okay to feel unsure. I’m doing the best I can."
Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook—it means choosing kindness instead of punishment when you’re struggling.
4. Check in with your values
Ask yourself:
Is this decision moving me closer to what matters to me?
Does it reflect who I want to be and what I care about?
Is it meeting a real need or want?
When our choices are grounded in our values and identity—not just fear or people-pleasing—we feel more authentic and aligned, even if it’s still hard.
5. Remember it’s okay to put yourself first
Putting your needs and happiness first isn’t selfish—it’s good emotional hygiene. When you’re fulfilled and grounded, you’re more available for others too. You deserve the same care and consideration you give to everyone else.
6. Choose the path that supports your wellbeing
When the time comes to act or decide, lean into the option that supports your emotional health, your values, and your sense of self—even if it feels uncomfortable at first. That discomfort often signals growth, not wrongness.
Final Thoughts
Self-doubt and self-criticism may always whisper from the sidelines, but they don’t have to run the show. The more we respond to ourselves with compassion and clarity, the more we build self-trust—the quiet confidence that says, “I’ve got me.”
And that’s where real freedom begins.
References:
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
Gilbert, P. (2010). The Compassionate Mind. New Harbinger Publications.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. Guilford Press.
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond. Guilford Press.
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Penguin Random House.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press. (for emotional validation practices)
Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). “The Role of Positive Emotions in Positive Psychology: The Broaden-and-Build Theory of Positive Emotions.” American Psychologist, 56(3), 218–226.
